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Pink Think: "[on having children] It really changes your perspective on the world. You know, I've had my day. I made some films, and I've really had a very fortunate life, and it's time for me to share that a little bit. Having children takes the focus off yourself, which I'm really grateful for. I'm so tired of thinking about myself. I'm sick of myself. You feel you want to be there and not miss out on anything. It's a true joy and a very profound love. You can write a book, you can make a movie, you can paint a painting, but having kids is the most extraordinary thing I've ever taken on." - Brad Pitt
Image from dailycatholic.org
Yesterday, I helped out at my older daughter's "Author's Day" at her junior high. I was looking forward to hearing published authors including Jessica Day George. As usual, the "riot in a bottle" didn't disappoint. She had the audience cracking up from the get go. That's no easy feat in a gymful of junior high kids.
***
I went to my assigned room and sat through roll call while another YA author wrote out her website information on the white board.
Here's the weird thing.
When the author started talking about her books, and the process of being published, and mentioning book signings...
I sat there, restless. I felt exhausted all of a sudden. An image came to mind. It was one of a guinea pig running in a wheel in a cage.
Like a wake-up call, if you will. Let me explain.
***
For the past four years or so, since my youngest began kindergarten, I have just been a writing machine. I had a writing to-do list that progressively became more challenging:
Write a new story.
Finish first draft.
Revise draft.
Edit draft.
Query agents.
Don't dwell on rejection and move on.
Start all over again....
It's been that way for the last four years. My family has been very patient meanwhile. They don't bat an eyelash aymore if I drag my laptop to the kitchen table while they watch NBA games. Nightly walks with my husband, I usually talk his ear off about my writing progress. I live, breathe and eat writing.
***
Watching and listening to the YA author, I realized that the last four years I have been very obsessed with the idea of being published. I have been like a writer in a wheel. Sure, I have made strides towards my goal, but at what expense?
And after being published, what? It's on to the next project, needing to be better than the last...
I still want to be published, don't get me wrong. But I don't want it to be so consuming that I'm seeing nothing but the spokes of my wheel.
Author's Day gave me something I hardly expected. I thought I'd come away inspired, which I did. What I didn't count on was gaining healthy perspective. I can still write and go for my goals, but it is not the end-all.
There's a lot more to life than my writing wheel, and I need to remember that.
28 comments:
A little perspective is never a bad thing. I think that's one of the good things I've gotten from my day job. A little perspective on life.
Perspective is good, but to achieve greatness, you've got to keep your eyes on the prize. Think about the heroes in the stories you write. What are they willing to sacrifice to reach their goals? What hard choices do they make? Why, as a writer, should we be any less willing to do what it takes to succeed than the people we write about?
I don't think we should "accept" rejection. We should take it as a challenge: what can we do better? How can I work harder? What is missing? Find an agent willing to explain their rejection. Don't take "no" for an answer (I don't mean "be a jerk". I just mean be assertive and confident in your coorespondence and contacts).
I really don't think you're spinning your wheel. But a true sign of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. Now that's a rat in a cage. Maybe you just need to change things up a bit.
You know, your family may not understand you right now, but when you show them your shiny new book with your picture on the jacket, they will. Focus on that moment, and your choices will become clear.
Don't mind me, I'm just bookmarking this post :-)
Carry on...
Balance is always a good thing.
Sometimes in our quest to the best that we can be, we can lose sight of the other things in our daily existence that sustains us.
Glad to hear that your family is so understanding in regards to your writing.
There's nothing like a little perspective... sometimes we just need that bit of perspective to keep us on the right track where we should be.
Amen! Once you are published, then there is the publicity machine. One reason I chose to write for category fiction is b/c you don't have to do book tours, etc. Yet, even what I have done to promote my book online, has been HARD WORK. And it never ends if you want your book to sell. It has to be only one course of your life, not the main meal, if you are going to have a balanaced diet.
Great post! I haven't thought about writing this way before and I really should. Balance is so important in everything and really think it's great that you have this new perspective now.
Jewel your so good at cutting to the chase. I am so glad to hear you hear and listen. What a great perspective to come to.
At least you realized that sooner than later. :)
What a great post. So honest and well said. Thank you.
I like that! Man, I really hope I get to have kids, it's killing me. I'm sick of myself, too!
My life has been one big hamster wheel, lately. I'm tired, but I don't know how to get off. And what would I do if I did? I don't have kids yet, and Glenn's off in Alaska for four months. It's no fun smelling the roses all by yourself, LOL.
Oh but what about your dancing classes and what about your rock band and what about all the time you spend being a mom? and a wife and a sister and a friend?
I guess the joy of the process is it? And all that marketing stuff can wear one out, oy.
good for you - everything comes at a price but you get to choose the cost!
Glad that's what you came out with. It easily could have consumed you another way. Great job in knowing the difference and the learning opportunity it presented.
Very interesting post, Jewel, and it comes at an opportune time as I've been trying to re-adjust my perspective too.
Though it looks like you're doing a much better job of it than I am. :-)
I'm glad you were able to step back and see things in perspective. It's hard to do that sometimes, especially when you become so used to the routine.
Great post - it helps so much to be able to step back and see the big picture. A very timely post for me too, as I've been pondering the same things. A good friend recently told me to enjoy the journey as well as the destination - I think that's pretty spot on :) Really enjoy your work, keep it up and never feel bad for taking some time to get some perspective, I think that make us all better artists in the long run.
I love this post and especially your Pink Think! Thanks for sharing this. :)
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I love having discovered (at an early age) my passion for writing. It's great always having something to work on, aim for. . .
But I definitely agree that one needs perspective. The idea of publication should never become so consuming that one forgets the joy of simply, writing. And living life.
BJ: I can see that :-)
Iapetus: Well, I am not quitting :-) but I am stepping back a little. I do think it's important to keep my eyes on the prize, but when my kids come into focus, I think of THEM as a prize, too :-). Balance...that's the key.
Em: Will do :-). You, too!
G: I like that. *sustain us* My family certainly fits that bill.
Abby: Yeah, I've had such a one-track mind lately...
Heidi: I love that metaphor! And good for you in achieving your dreams that still works realistically for your family.
PP: (My hubby has been trying to tell me this for a while, now, the saint!)
Lynette: It was one of the rare times when I was actually sitting still enough to listen!
Georgie: Precisely!
Heather: You are welcome :-)
Spy: What is he off doing in Alaska?? My hubby would gladly live in Alaska for four months! Though he is sweet enough to not do it if he were to have the opportunity (I don't like cold). As for smelling roses on your own...well, I can see how it might be both a challenge or a blessing, depending on how you look at it!
Heather: Yes, I know. But writing has been forefront. But yes, I know it's not been the ONLY thing :-)
Jannie: Definitely, the joy in the journey and all that :-)
BBlonde: Exactly! I like how you put it!
Chandy: You know, I usually have come away with, "Oh, how glamorous!" But this time, I think I had equal doses of admiration and reality check :-)
Firecat: Glad you can take something from it. I'm sure you are doing just fine. How's school going? Or do you not start till after summer?
Melanie: Exactly! It's become such a habit!
Green Ink: Welcome here :-) I'll have to check out why you call yourself *green ink*. Yeah, it's so easy to get caught up in the goal...to not see anything else.
Rachelle: Glad you liked it! How's that contest of yours coming along?
Gypsy: Yes! It's easy to forget the joy in writing, isn't it? As for *life* today, I reveled in watching my kids have fun at the beach. Nothing like a beach day to let go and just live for the moment.
I think of publication as frosting on the cake, because I write for me.
Of course finding the proper nich market n conforming wordage to specs is another matter- The stiff competition is a crowded stage against dwindling, struggling, print marketers.
You can publish for yourself thru this medium all you wish- in blogland, you are published already!
I hopped from Jannies- Congrats on being the new tagline winner this week!
You eloquently expressed something that's been nagging me for a while. Our families makes a lot of sacrifices too -- but how much is too much? When is it time to divert some of that energy back to them?
Hi Jewel,
Perspective...sometimes we get it when we least expect it. It can become easy to lose focus of the bigger pictures sometimes, when we're focused on one thing. I know! Family is important, and now I'm thinking the same thing - am I focusing too much on areas that take away from family time? Something for me to think about...thanks so much Jewel.
Snaggle Tooth: I love that name :-). Good for you, enjoying the journey!!
Ray: Good luck to you and me, finding that balance. :-)
Lance: Somehow I can't picture you not balancing well. At least you come across to be pretty "together" :-).
That's a great lesson, especially timely since I just picked back up my writing yesterday. I would love to be published, sure, but I write because I LIKE to write. Oh, and I do like to be read...
Good for you...like others said, perspective is important, especially for anyone in a creative endeavor which demands your time and love!
While I don't write to be published, I can be very obsessive about writing. I get so caught up in it, I lose time (missed many appointments because of this).
Then I put a bird feeder outside my office window. I'm drawn to watching the antics of the birds (and one particular squirrel named Joe). Watching them always gives me perspective:~)
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